The ghost of you
by Karen Winchester
Summary: AU. Missing moment set in between S3/S4 The blood was now flowing freely from the wound, and it was matter of time before he would bleed out to death. "Sam, please! Do it for me, please Sammy. Don't give up and open your eyes, you bastard! That's not what I taught you! You promised me that you would keep fighting!" screamed Dean worried sick


The ghost of you

"I hear your voice inside my head. I feel you here, even if the only thing that I carry with me from you is the last words that you said

I hear your voice in the dark parts of my mind, lighting my demons and fears, making them fade away.

I hear your voice inside my head, and somehow it helps me…

I hear your voice inside my head, and I miss you"

 **SPNSPNSPNPSNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN**

His long legs moved faster than ever through the dark forest, stepping over the fallen leaves and small branches in the wet soil beneath him. The animals hid as he ran away from the monster, who was growling and trying to reach him despite being injured, ready to end his life.

His lungs felt like they were burning, and his throat seemed like it was closing. He couldn't breathe, and his mind was spinning without any control. He was sure that he was going to die tonight. There was no other way around to end this. That was it. How could he miss that shot when he had only one chance to make it right? He had never been so low in his life. Now things were different. He was fighting alone against the evil creatures, and with every step he drowned more and more in the deep black ocean that was calling his name. He was alone in the world, and no one would come to save him.

Sam Winchester kept running through the dark forest trying to find a place to hide. He didn't know for how long he had been running, however it seemed like an eternity. His body fell to the ground for the first time, his face and hair met the soil, and his eyes became teary.

 ***It feels like rain.**

 **Like losing my balance**

 **Again and again.**

 **It once was so easy;**

 **Breathe in, breathe out.**

 **But at the foot of this mountain,**

 **I only see clouds.**

 **I feel out of focus,**

 **Or at least indisposed**

 **As this strange weather pattern**

 **Inside me takes hold***

Sam got up holding onto a tree right next to him. He just needed a moment to recover, a second that he didn't have. The werewolf was getting closer. Its breathing pattern was faster and louder, intensifying the fear inside him. If he only had Dean by his side, things would be different. The amulet around his neck was the only thing that he had left of his brother. His big brother was gone, burning in hell flames because of him. Some nights, he had nightmares of Dean calling for him, screaming until his throat was raw and the only noise that he could hear from him were broken sobs and pleadings. Dean needed help, and he hadn't been able to do so, because no demon wanted his soul. He was worthless, even for the demons. He was like a disease that killed everybody around him. Mary, John, Jess, Dean, Maddison and many others whose name he couldn't remember at the moment. He hadn't meant any of that, and running away from his destiny had just made things worse.

Where did he belong? Why was he still trying to live, if he caused all those deaths? He didn't do any good to anyone, and that was the truth. Maybe he should die tonight. Maybe that would make the world a better place for once.

 ***Where there is light,**

 **A shadow appears.**

 **The cause and effect**

 **When life interferes.**

 **The same rule applies**

 **To goodness and grief;**

 **For in our great sorrow**

 **We learn what joy means.**

 **I don't want to fight, I don't want to fight it***

Sam let himself fall to the ground and curled his long and big body. He was tired, so tired. It was time, it was time to say goodbye to the life that now knew he had loved, only being by his brother's side. Without Dean nothing made sense anymore. He ran away to Stanford because he had wanted to be happy, but he had been wrong. He loved Jess, and always would. However, if he could go back wouldn't change a thing of the day that his brother entered through the apartment's window and said "Dad's on a hunting trip, and he hasn't been home in a few days". Dean was the only person that he couldn't live without, and had to lose him to understand that. He had been his person, his other half, his everything.

The young hunter heard desperate sobs, and it took him a moment to realize that he was the one crying. Nothing else mattered. He couldn't find a good reason that was worth living for. He had given up.

"Samuel Winchester, get up or swear that I will kick your ass!"

Sam opened his puffy red eyes and saw Dean, standing two feet away from him. How could that be even possible?

"Dean… Am I… dead?"

Dean gave him a pissed face and crossed his arms.

"No, Sam. But you will be if you don't stand up right now"

"Too tired. Don't want to. Cn't breathe"

"Sam, come on. Fight, dammit! It's getting close and you know that!"

"Doesn't matter… anymore. Y-You're not here. You're not real"

Dean knelt in front of Sam and placed both hands on his shoulders. He felt the hands' weight on him. However, those familiar hands turned into weird hands with claws that threw him against another tree.

"Sam, come on buddy! You have the gun placed in your waistband. Please Sam, fight against this son of a bitch!"

Sam cried in pain as one of its claws sliced the uncovered skin of his stomach, making a long and deep gash on him. The blood was now flowing freely from the wound, and it was matter of time before he would bleed out to death.

"Sam, please! Do it for me, please Sammy. Don't give up and open your eyes, you bastard! That's not what I taught you! You promised me that you would keep fighting!" screamed Dean worried sick

Sam did what was he was told, and opened his eyes, seeing his brother cry. He wanted him to be real, to be there with him. He was probably hallucinating, but it felt good to hear his voice and see his face again after being too much time being alone. His eyes were closing again, and taking a single breath was harder than expected. The werewolf made another gash on his stomach, causing him to scream even harder.

"Please… Just please. I need you to be safe Sam… Please. You promised...", Said Dean now letting all his emotions free. He hadn't seen Dean like that since the day that both saw John die in that hospital.

 ***I don't want to fight, I don't want to fight it.**

 **I don't want to fight, I don't want to fight it.**

 **I don't want to fight, I don't want to fight it.**

 **But I will learn to fight, I will learn to fight,**

 **'Til this pendulum finds equilibrium.***

The younger Winchester couldn't hear his brother's broken voice anymore, or see him cry. He had to do what Dean said to make him happy, because that was all that mattered. Dean was somehow there with him, and he couldn't let him down.

 _Flashback_

 _Sam: I'm not gonna let you go to hell, Dean!_ _  
Dean: Yes, you are! Yes, you are! I'm sorry! I mean this is all my fault. I know that. But what you're doing, it's not gonna save me. It's only gonna kill you.  
Sam: Then what am I supposed to do?  
Dean: Keep fighting. Promise me that_

 _Sam: I promise Dean. I promise that I will keep fighting_

 _(End of flashback)_

Sam took the gun from his waistband, and with trembling hands, crawled and supported the weight of his body against a tree as fast as he could. His stomach hurt like hell, blood falling freely to the soil. Adrenaline was now pumping through his body, and had to act before it would vanish. After it was gone, he would fall and never recover the strength again. It was now or never.

"Now Sammy, Now! You can do it!" screamed Dean from behind him

His eyes couldn't focus as much as he wanted them to, but using all his strength and capacity, shot at the werewolf that was now walking away from him unaware of his movements, probably thinking that he had killed him.

For his surprise, the bullet hit the monster's back, and moments later, it fell to the floor lifeless. He had killed the werewolf. He had done it!

"D-Did it D'n", said while sliding down, his head lolling by the lack of strength of the neck to support it

"Sam, stay awake buddy. You gotta call an ambulance right now"

"Dee. St'y with… m-me", said Sam barely whispering

"Sam, don't pass out on me, alright? I am here, I am here Sammy. I am not gonna leave you. Please don't YOU leave me"

The hunter pressed the third contact on his emergency contacts list, and passed out moments later. He never got to hear the woman's voice asking him what was happening, or telling him not to end the call, because they were going to track it to find him.

 **Spnspnspnspnspnspnspn**

 ** _Few days later…_**

Sam became aware of the many sounds that surrounded him at first. A constant "Bip-Bip" was the stronger sound that he could hear, but there were some voices as well. He couldn't understand what they were saying, or what was happening.

He opened his tired eyes, and saw a white ceiling. Fortunately, the light was turned off as soon as he did that, so he could adjust better to see where he was. It took him a minute to recognize that the room that he was in was a hospital room, and just a second to remember little flashbacks of what had happened.

 _Blood, a lot of blood_

 _Dean_

 _Pain_

 _Dean… screaming something to him_

 _Shoot something that he was hunting_

 _Then nothing_

"Mister Wesson, can you hear me? I am Alan Wesley, and I am your doctor"

"D'n"

"Mister Wesson, can you hear me?"

"D'n… Where's D'n?" asked Sam not recognizing the voice of the man. That voice was not from Dean, he was sure of that. Where was Dean? Was he alright?

The doctor and some nurses kept talking to him, asking him how he felt, and explained what had happened according to them. They explained, when he was more lucid, that he was a hero, because he had killed the wolf that had taken many peoples' lives. The animal was dead, and even a note about that had been released in the newspapers.

Sam looked at them with tears sliding down his cheeks, now remembering every single detail of what had happened. Dean was not there with him. He had never been. He was dead, and he couldn't save him.

However, something inside him had changed even if he felt the same emptiness and agonizing pain when it came to think about his elder brother. He was not alone, because a part of him knew that Dean was still there with him. As long as he would carry the amulet that he gave to his big brother once, and kept his memory alive, he would be there… saving him in the times where he was weak and giving up. He had to keep fighting, not for him, but for his big brother. He was going to kill Lilith for what she had done to Dean, and after that, who knew? Sam let his eyes close, and for the first time in two months, smiled at the thought of his brother.

"Love you Dee", said before falling asleep.

 ***So pardon the dust**

 **While this all settles in.**

 **With a broken heart,**

 **Transformation begins***

 **THE END.-**

 **AUTHOR'S NOTE** **: I had this idea and I felt that I HAD TO write it. Being honest, I cried in the process** **L**

 **If you like it, please review, and let me know what you think**

 **J**


End file.
